Hummer - Am I rude and shallow or is there something wrong here?

Am I rude and shallow or is there something wrong here?

My husband and I recently got married. We took a year and 1/2 to plan the big day so everyone had plenty of notice.... I heard that my mother in law and husband have been tight on money due to the poor housing market. (They are in their mid 60's...don't you think they would have savings by then?) Well, they didn't give us a wedding gift but.......they bought a brand new hummer just a month later! They always have new cars, homes, etc. Am I simply jealous or is there something wrong with this picture? This is really bothering me and consequenly I've found myself somewhat resenting them for not helping a young couple "get on their feet" especially her own son. They know how hard we've been working to save for a house. Why didn't they give a wedding gift?

Public Comments

THEY BOUGHT YOU A HUMMER!!!! Yes, you are being rediculous!
The wedding gift I would say was the Hummer. I think it maybe took a month after your wedding to figure out how to pay for your HUmmer. Sell the damn thing and use it for your house if your so ungrateful.
gifts = materials If they do not support you EMOTIONALLY then that's one thing...you are an adult and they have their own expenses - they work hard for their money as do you (I assume). Do not depend on others to pay back your wedding expenses or even give you money simply bc you are newlyweds HOWEVER I can totally see where you are coming from - don't even bother with it - it's all money and stress and things you shouldnt even worry about... money comes and goes....just make sure YOU and your husband are set and have savings (unlike your in-laws hehe)
It sounds like their money is tied up in investments and when they sold a property they bought you a present. You are being rude.
Being disappointed is one thing, but resenting it is quite another. No one is obligated to give a gift. They had some reason as to why they didn't give a gift, but that reason is unknown. Maybe your husband knows or is able to find out. But, since he's not making a big fuss about it, neither should you. Just try to get along with his parents and not let this issue stand in the way of building a good relationship. Otherwise, you will just be putting your husband between yourself and them.
What does your husband think is going on here? They're his parents; he ought to have some insight into this. Obviously money is not the issue since they seem to have money for their own toys. You and your husband need to clear the air on this issue and get off to a better start with your inlaws.
I think they are pretentious and obnoxious...they are driving a HUMMER and can't pay their bills, sounds like they are drowning in debt...next time you are around them I would just say, OH, I see where OUR wedding gift ended up....its on those four tires along with every other penny spared! I would make it known how I can't believe the rudeness......
You guys didn't read her question. They bought THEMSELVES a Hummer. Which is fine; it's their money. But yes, I'd be resentful if I were you, and I assume your husband is also. Maybe he's just used to them by now and doesn't expect anything more from them. Some people are like that; they are selfish and never help their kids with anything. At least you know what kind of people they are now. When they're old and their kids won't foot the bill for their nursing home, make sure to rub it in that they never helped you with anything.
That does seem wrong that they would spend money on themselves and Not 1 cent on your wedding gift but so people are just Like that,If it was me i'd return that same treatment.No Anniversary gifts for them and No surprise gifts/dinners etc. And you Never know they might eventually become free hearted and when they do you become the same..."Eye For an Eye"
Unfortunately that's just how some people are. My daughter's in-laws are like this and she finds it so hard to be pleasant to them. They turn up at meal times and never bring anything, they spend money only on themselves, they don't get anything for the grandchild. It is hard to understand how selfish some people are... but if you let it eat at you then you are only making yourself miserable. I know it is very hard to do so, but try and let it go over your head - they aren't obliged to spend any money on you, it's probably the resulf of their own experiences with their parents. Try and concentrate on any good qualities they may have. Sometimes the sort of parents who spend a lot of money on their family, also believe they have bought the right to interfere in their lives - in fact it can be a power thing rather than a kindness. At least you aren't under any sort of obligation to them
no way to know. they may feel they needed the hummer and that is all they can afford. they may be waiting for the housing market to change. they may need the savings for retirement, You feel slighted. Maybe they do not like you. did they welcome you? Any support like helping to decorate or giving a shower? What does their son think?
They didn't give you ANYTHING? Did they even pay for the rehearsal dinner or anything for the wedding? Perhaps if they did, they considered that their wedding gift. Look, the fact is you have no idea what their finances are or how they're truly paying for all of those items. Alot of people in America live in debt and live way beyond their means. That doesn't make it right but it may explain how your in-laws are "affording" their stuff. They may actually be in alot of money trouble that you don't know about and it's really none of your business. It's natural what you're feeling though. You can't help that. I would be upset too but you have to learn to get over it. You don't want to start your marriage resenting your husband's family. They may not be perfect but obviously they raised a son who was worthy of your love....and that's saying something!
Well you now know why they can't afford to buy you a present. All of their money is probably being spent on car repayments and gas, probably most of what they own they are still paying for. I would try to put this out of your head and stop resenting them, after all they are in their mid 60's and are not financially stable while you guys are now on your way.
1. It's not your place to say whether people should have savings or not, at whatever age, do you know everything that have been through, perhaps they had a "rainy day" and needed to use their savings for that? 2. It's not your place to decide what they should spend THEIR money on, if they want to buy new homes and cars then that is their decision, it is their money. 3. You should never expect a gift from anyone, a gift is a gift, they are not obliged to give you anything at all, never presume anything. 4. They bought you a hummer, that WAS your wedding gift. Just because you didn't get a gift wrapped present on the day itself, I say grow up and be grateful for what you got, you got a lot more than other people get.
OKAY! I'm the mother of a recent groom and can usually see another side to these questions that brides are asking about their in laws. However, I CAN'T see another side to this one. This is unbelievable! The only thing I can figure out is from relating to a close friend of mine. Her mother-in-law doesn't give gifts, and doesn't really like gifts from other people. She has her "logic" which doesn't make sense to any of the rest of us. :-) However, she will do special things for them, like taking the entire family to Paris once. So, to your question? It's beats me. But I can only share how my friend has handled it. She simply tells her children that one grandmother enjoys gifts more than the other grandmother. But, they still buy gifts for both grandmothers because she won't distinguish between the two. And after years of this, she says that she doesn't regret the extra trouble to figure out something that will be meaningful to her MIL. Good luck with these people. They just don't see things the way you do. Makes no sense to me either!
She said "they bought a brand new hummer" not they gave us a new hummer a month later or their old car which was still pretty new! what she says implies that the inlaws bought it for themselfs not that they gave them the hummer! That is very very harsh of them as a gift does not have to be bought! but thats life you have to be the bigger person and try to move on and try to get along!
I understand that they bought the Hummer for themselves. Now with that out of the way, who paid for the wedding. If they helped pay for it I see no reason why you should be expecting a gift. Also, gifts are not required when attending a wedding and if the couple should receive a gift they should be grateful. And your in-laws financial situation is none of your business. Sorry.
Yeah, I totally agree with you. I would be hurt too. I mean really, a hummer? And you got nothing. They could have at least given you a blender or something. Something. It's the thought that counts right, but if there's not even a thought... I think your feelings are justified. But you don't want to live that way, being angry all the time with them, so in time, I hope you can get past it. They seem like maybe they're not so easy to talk to, but maybe you can say something to them. It might help put it behind you. Sometimes you just have to shrug your shoulders, shake your head, take a deep breath, and let it go.
I am assuming that they bought themselves the hummer, not you - right? maybe they will offer you a few grand when you get ready to make an offer on a specific house.. but it sounds to me like these people are not interested in sharing their earnings with you until they are dead and buried.. btw, the hummer is probably leased and in 2 years they will have another new car b/c they live outside their means and throw money away on renting overpriced vehicles..
alright guys, does anyone know how to READ? the in laws did not buy the newlyweds a hummer...they bought themselves a hummer!!! jeez...enough already.